What Do You Mean ‘Natural Parenting’?

I have often told people these two things:

1. Before I had Ameli, what I knew about children could be written on the back of a match box, with room left for a stamp.
2. I didn’t choose many of the ways we’ve decided to raise Ameli – she chose them.

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Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: What Is Natural Parenting?

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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I didn’t know a thing about breastfeeding, cloth nappies, disposable nappies, baby-wearing, pushchairs, prams, cots, nurseries or anything before I fell pregnant. Concepts such as gentle discipline and child led child care were entirely foreign. I had very little to do with babies. Very few of my friends had any, and those that did lived far away; apart from the occasional visit, I wasn’t exactly involved in their day to day raising.

Reading about them and dwelling in forums with natural birth advocates exposed me to a world of ideas I had never even heard of. Our preparation for parenthood was pretty run of the mill. We did what everyone does. (Almost. We didn’t fall in the ‘buy it all’ trap, gratefully.)

We bought a cot. A travel cot as there wasn’t really space for the beautiful wooden cot I wanted in the room that was to be the nursery. We intended to put Ameli in a Moses basket in our room for the first three months, but she outgrew it pretty rapidly, so we used the bassinet in the travel cot, which had been moved to our room. But neither the Moses basket nor the bassinet were in full time use. She slept in them during the day, but at night she always ended up sleeping in my arms, while the nursery lay empty. And so we became co-sleepers.

We had an ample supply of disposable nappies. For our baby shower we were given an awesome eight layer nappy cake. We had enough nappies for at least six months. On the first day she wore disposable nappies. By her fifth day on earth, her bum was raw and bleeding, and she looked as though we had dragged her naked over gravel. I was in a state, she was in a state, and no nappy creams were working. I eventually put raw vitamin C serum on her, which caused her to shriek in pain while I sobbed, but the broken skin was healed by the next morning, and we swapped brands and investigated cloth nappies. And in time we became cloth nappy lovers.

After Ameli’s first bath in Johnson & Johnson products, her whole body flared up in a rash, so we swapped to using only lavender essential oil in her bath. After her first taste of Calpol, she broke out in eczema, so we investgated and found that to be common, along with hyperactivity and other issues, so we changed to naturopathic and homeopathic medicine for teething and other childhood ailments. And so we became a pharmaceutical company’s worst nightmare: educated parents who question everything.

We bought a pram, but we couldn’t get it up the stairs – it was too wide – so we ditched that idea and bought a sling, thinking we’d buy a stroller at six months. Well, six months came and went, and we only bought a stroller after her first birthday. (Although we did get a pushchair at 11 months, so I could try get some buggy fitness going.) And so we became baby-wearers.

And the list of things we never intentionally planned on but ended up doing anyway goes on and on. We never sat down and said “these are the things we are going to do“. Instead, we listened to our baby. We allowed her to show us her personality, her likes and dislikes, and rather than trying to ‘train’ her to become a mini version of us, or ‘train’ her in to habits that would be more convenient for us, we allowed her to lead. We allowed her to show us who she is from a very young age, and we engaged her with the world around her and watched as she flourished.

It was only later that we found the term “Attachment Parenting” or natural parenting and found how we fit in to it. And since we were on that path already, we learnt what we could and used what we felt worked for us.

But to me it’s not about: do you breastfeed, do you baby-wear, do you cuddle rather than CIO, and do you use disposable nappies, but it’s about listening to your baby, listening to your gut instinct and following what your heart and your child tells you.

That to me, is the most natural form of parenting.

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Stop by Natural Parents Network today to see excerpts from everyone’s posts, and please visit a few to read more! Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Three of the participants below will instead be featured on Natural Parents Network throughout the month, so check back at NPN!

This list will be updated by afternoon November 9 with all the carnival links. We’ve arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on “What Is Natural Parenting?”

Attachment/Responsive Parenting

Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):

1. PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
   • “Preparing for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting” — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes knows better now how to prepare for her second baby, focusing on attachment rather than nursery curtains. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 23. (@sheryljesin)
   • “Begin at the Beginning” — Alison at BluebirdMama examines the first type of natural parenting she experienced: birthing at home. (@BluebirdMama)
2. FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
   • “Going With the {Tandem Milk} Flow” — Despite being told she would never be able to nurse her toddler through pregnancy, Jessika at Job Description: Mommy successfully nursed through her entire pregnancy, and she continues tandem nursing her two little ones fifteen months later! (@JobDescMommy)
   • “Breastfeeding with Love and Respect” — Resisting the pressure to give up, breastfeeding was the way Dionna at NursingFreedom.org persisted in nourishing her son. (@NursingFreedom)
   • “Why Should I Call It Extended?” — Amy at Toddler In Tow provides scientifically based research to support child-led weaning.
3. RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
   • “Attachment Parenting Chose Us” — For a child who is born “sensitive,” attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting “choice.” Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
   • “Parenting in the Present” — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
   • “Parenting With Heart” — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.
4. USE NURTURING TOUCH:
   • “Nurturing through touch” — Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that loving touch is a thread that runs through all her natural parenting practices. (@Hobo_Mama)
5. ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
   • “Sometimes I Wish We Coslept” — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)
6. PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
   • “Attachment Parenting . . . and Nanny Makes Three?” — When Jen at Grow with Graces first started interviewing nannies, she was looking for practicalities. After a few months with her first nanny, she’s going to hire someone new, and this time, she’ll make sure the nanny believes in AP principles. (@growwithgraces)
   • “Do You Have This?” — For Rachael at The Variegated Life, natural parenting is about love and giving, rather than the alienation and longing present in so many in our Western culture. (@RachaelNevins)
   • “What Natural Parenting Looks Like in Our Family” — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker shares what natural parenting is like as your little ones grow up.
7. PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
   • “Unconditional Parenting” — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)
8. STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
   • “Reducing Screen Time” — How does Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments meaningfully connect with her kids every day? She turns off the TV.
   • Also see our October Carnival all about finding balance!

Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature

• “Healing Through Elimination Communication Part 1” — Amy at Innate Parenting explains how practicing elimination communication has helped her whole family gain awareness and healing in many areas of their lives. (@InnateWholeness)
• “Growing Out of Little Potties” — Stacy at Mama-Om is proud to be the “weird lady” who practices elimination communication with her babies. (@mama_om)
• “Let’s Talk Diapers” — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude started using cloth diapers because she felt they were a safer choice for her child; she stuck with them because they are convenient.

Holistic Health Practices

• “Supporting Natural Immunity” — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children’s immune systems naturally.

Natural Learning

• “Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting” — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter’s needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter’s learning “challenges.” (@myzerowaste)
• “Let Them Look” — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.
• “Why I Love Unschooling” — Unschooling isn’t just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• “Is He Already Behind?“Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)
• “How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning” — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child’s natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)

Healthy Living

• “What ‘Healthy Eating’ Means to Me” — Wonder how a family of five makes healthy eating a priority? Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares some common sense tips. (@sunfrog)
• “What is Natural Parenting? Embracing Real Food” — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has always wanted to give her children the most nutritious foods possible: first through breastfeeding, and later through healthy, whole foods. (@bfmom)

Parenting Philosophies

• “Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting” — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn’t about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)
• “I’m not the most crunchy, but I’m still au naturel” — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that’s what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)
• “Because Natural comes Naturally” — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)
• “What Do You Mean ‘Natural Parenting’?” — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)
• “One Little Change at a Time” — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until “natural parenting” wasn’t a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)
• “WHY Attachment Parenting?” — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.
• “Yours, Respectfully” — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.
• “The Natural Parenting Label” — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)
• “When Our Children Are Grown” — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.
• “What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?” — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)
• “Attachment Parenting and Our Family” — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)
• “I’m a Mama…Naturally” — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn’t intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.

Political and Social Activism

• “A Private Matter” — Amy at Anktangle, who is a Registered Nurse, describes her encounters with circumcision in a medical environment and why they guided her decision to leave her own baby boy intact. (@anktangle)
• “Natural Parenting, Following Our Instincts, and Keeping Our Son Intact” — Kelly at KellyNaturally went against the tide and refused to circumcise her son. (@kellynaturally)
• “Relying on Kindness” — Sure, Navelgazing Bajan at Navelgazing wants her son to be kind — but kindness is not enough. (@BlkWmnDoBF)

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