Despite two outings, we’ve had a quetish week. Well, uneventful, but not exactly peaceful…

Day 56 – Flowers

My lovely husband brought flowers home, for no apparent reason. What a warm colour they are. Beautiful

Day 57 – Cake Time

I know, I know. This is a badly taken picture of a lovely subject. I apologise, Kate.

It was my friend Kate’s birthday dinner, and I had baked her a cake. It was my first night out away from Kyra (in more than a 30 min radius). I baked the cake, then decided it needed another layer. The second layer came out the oven 15 minutes before I got on the bus to Trafalgar Square! Out the oven and in the freezer to quickly cool so I could ice it, and on my way. There was terrible traffic and the 45 minute journey took almost an hour and a half. I eventually climbed out the bus and in the rain with my umbrella and cake I marched through Leicester Square. The Square was jam packed with people for the Alice in Wonderland Premier,  and I walked through in time to see Price Charles and Lady Camilla Parker Bowles (what’s her surname now?) arrive. (the reason for the traffic jam?)  I manoeuvred the umbrella between my chin and shoulder so that I could use my Blackberry to find the address I was going to, and look up Google maps. Turns out touch screen phones don’t work so well when they’re rained on! I vaguely knew that it was somewhere off Carnaby Street, so I walked around for an additional hour (dropped the cake once!) looking for a bar or restaurant with a ‘Z’ in the name (that’s all I could remember of where we were meeting). I finally found them at 8 o’clock, an hour late!  Kate graciously forgave me for being late and utterly flustered, and I believe she was pleasantly surprised by the birthday cake.

So. Again, apologies for the broken Blackberry blurry picture, but it’s the only evidence I  have of this whole day in my life!

Day 58 – Parcels from Aunty Santa

A very dear friend, Kesia, sent us some lovely parcels. Stereotypically of babies, Kyra enjoyed playing in the box and with the Styrofoam (I kept a close eye on her to make sure she wasn’t eating any!) while I was getting excited about the beautiful summer outfit she sent Kyra, and Martin was wrapping himself in the fluffy blanket she sent him!

Day 59 – Heat Sensor Photo

We went on an outing to the Science Museum, where they have this heat sensor camera. On the right is me with Kyra in her sling while I take a photo of the picture of us. (The darker the hotter it is. It was warm in there.)

Day 60 – Photos from the Science Museum

We stayed indoors all day recovering from the hectic day at the Science Museum. I spent the day going through photographs. I loved this one. It’s a mosaic, I guess, made up out of balls of (unchewed!) chewing gum.

Day 61 – An Indulgent Moment

This is one of my favourite things in the world – a morning coffee with melted marshmallows. Unfortunately I’ve now decided to go cold turkey on this addiction called sugar, and to cut it from my life, so I had to immortalise my old friend, so that I could move on from it. I’ll miss you, morning sugar rush.

Day 62 – Two Good Reasons

So you might be wondering why this week seems rather uneventful. We do have a good reason. In fact, we have two good reasons

Thanks for sharing in our week!

On Sunday 7 March hundreds of men, women and children marched from the Elephant and Castle area of London to Whitehall to deliver a petition to the Department of Health and letters to the Prime Minister.

Speakers from the National Childbirth Trust, The Royal College of Midwifery, Independent Midwives UK, Association for Improvement in the Maternity Services, and the Albany Midwifery practice spoke in support of maternity services like the Albany across the UK.

(Apologies in advance for the video quality. I was trying to feed and soothe my daughter while recording. As a result I was also not able to capture all the speakers.  If and when better versions come online, I shall replace them! )

Prof Wendy Savage spoke about birth from an obstetric point of view. She reflected on how little things have changed in the past twenty -odd years, since the reclaiming birth march in the early 80’s. Professor Savage spoke about how birth and maternity matters are not a priority for government and will not be unless we make it one. She encouraged us to write to our Mps to prevent women in the 21st centuary going through what women in the 20th century have. She also spoke of plans to have massive maternity units for ‘cost effective’ reasons, and how we should fight against it.

Jon Skuse from the Royal College of Midwifery spoke about their support for midwives, although the heckling from crowd members wearing ‘I’m a midwife’ shirts would lead me to believe that there hasn’t been any evidence of this so far.

Annie Frances of Independent Midwives UK spoke out against the conveyer belt of maternity care being the only reasonable option for the majority of midwives and women today.  IM UK  have a vision for women to know their midwives for that journey in to motherhood from start to finish, with the ability to make informed choices without bullying or pressure to conform.

Gail Werkmeister of the NCT highlighted the power that parents have to change things by lobbying politicians in time for the upcoming elections. She said that 25% of women are left alone and frightened during labour, 33% of women feel that they have experienced birth trauma and men in general have no idea what to do during childbirth (as evidenced by the television show  ‘One Born Every Minute’.)

Belinda Phipps, also of the NCT stated our list of needs: more midwives, individual caseloads for midwives, no conveyer belt maternity units, everyone to know they can have a home birth, birth centres in every community, access for dads to post natal areas, and for women who need doctors, decently trained qualified consultants, We don’t want unnecessary caesareans to be financially beneficial to hospitals,  but we do want the DOH to recognise birth as the start of a family, giving parents a fighting chance to have a happy start to parenthood.

I was pleased that the overall message wasn’t that homebirth is the only option, as we know that it can not always be, but that homebirth should be a choice. Birth with familiar midwives should be a choice. Birth without stress should be a choice, and informed consent should actually be true information and balanced education.

Although the objective of the march was a serious one, there was a lighter side too, with Miles Jupp and Peter Duncan performing rewritten popular songs.

The atmosphere was amazing. As my first venture in to activism of any nature, it was wonderful to see so many people peacefully gathering, respecting stewards and police and the normal London crowds. It was also very encouraging to have so many young children in the march, carrying banners and placards, chanting for choice.

I had tears well up a number of times looking at children carrying such notices as ‘I was a homebirth baby – let me have a homebirth too’.  I’m sure much of this is parental influence blending with childish enthusiasm, but still, at least these are young men and women thinking about childbirth outside of the sterile hospital experience in stirrups with strangers.

Someone with a video camera asked me why I was there, and my response was simple. The message on my baby’s shirt reads “I was born gently in to my mommy’s hands” and I believe all women should have the option of a gentle birth. All women should be allowed the choice to do what they were made to do, rather than having politics and money decide what we are capable of.

After all, how far have we really come as women if our most basic differentiating factor, our ability to bear children, is manipulated, directed and controlled to suit the schedule, the pocket and the ego of others?

SUPPORT MIDWIFERY IN THE UK BY WRITING A LETTER TODAY

Last week I wrote an impromptu review on an item I own and truly love: our nappy bag.  Since then I have been speaking to the designer/owner Zoe Phayre-Mudge about some of ZPM’s other products. When she offered to send me a Trolley-Dolly to try out, I was happy to oblige.

When my Trolley-Dolly arrived, I was pleasantly surprised by the size. Knowing what it consisted of, I was expecting something much bigger. And with it arriving just in time for my monthly grocery shop, I immediately had a chance to put it through its paces.

The Trolley-Dolly is designed to get a realistically sized supermarket shop back home without using a single plastic bag! Packed inside the stylishly classy outer bag are 6 vest-style carrier bags with long handles in assorted colours, 2 shoulder bags, 2 short-handled carrier bags, 10 fruit and vegetable net bags with cord lock closing fastener and a trolley-token/keyring. The interior nylon bags will hold 13.7kg per bag. That is the equivalent weight of 30 tin cans or 20 bottles of wine. The interior bags are colour coded (i.e. Green for fruit & veg, Blue for frozen goods, etc.) to help you pack more easily.

The bag has an elasticised outer  pocket, a zipped outer pocket, a see-through sleeve and space for a mobile phone. Inside the zipped pocket there‘s room for the kind of things you‘d normally have to carry in a separate bag. In my case a debit card and store loyalty card, a compact camera, a nappy and a few wet wipes.

I found the see-through sleeve particularly useful, as my grocery store always gives vouchers or coupons for your next shop and I always either lose or forget them. This way they can go in the bag, and remain easily visible.

I also loved the idea of the trolley token as scrambling around for £1 coins for the shopping trolly always leaves me frustrated, irritated and having to break a note for change! Unfortunately the token was the wrong size for the trolleys at my supermarket, but at least I can keep a coin in the Trolley-Dolly for use every time I go shopping.

Trolley-token or no, an expensive monthly shop later, I returned home with 10 full bags. I was also impressed that I didn’t have to walk through the parking lot with my bag of 9 toilet rolls clutched under my arm – the vest bag was big enough to contain it.

When I got home I pulled out my old reuseable bags to see how many I would have used without the Trolley-Dolly. With all my reuseables filled, I still had to use three supermarket bags, and my toilet rolls were loose. That might not sound like much, but the truth of the matter is that I normally forget to take any bags at all, meaning I end up with a full shop of plastic bags!

The Trolley-Dolly is so compact, I can happily leave it on the coatrail at the front door and never forget it again.  My supermarket gives loyalty points for using your own bags, and points convert to cash or shopping, so that’s an added bonus.

Ambassadollies

ZPM believes in its products, and wants to spread the word. It has started a programme for moms and other entrepreneurial individuals called Ambassadollies – You buy the TD at £ 15 + vat (of £2.63) and sell at RRP to your friends, family, at school fairs etc.  The Trolley-Dolly retails for £ 29.95 + 4.50 post from ZPM so you can save your friends the postage and you stand to make about £10 per bag that you sell. Email ZPM on info@zpm.com for more information on the scheme and mention that I sent you.

Special Offer

ZPM is offering Diary of a First Child readers exclusive postage discounts on the Trolley-Dolly.  For customers in the UK, the Trolley-Dolly will cost £29.95 with postage completely free. US customers, meanwhile, will have their postage discounted from £18 to just £8, meaning you can have your own Trolley Dolly for £38 (about $60)

To claim this offer, enter ‘FIRSTMUM’ as your coupon code on checkout. If you are purchasing from the US, email Zoe directly on info@zpm.com, giving her your Trolley-Dolly choice, your full address, zip code and telephone number, and quoting the code DIARYOFAFIRSTCHILD.

Any blogs reviewing the Trolley-Dolly can link up to this page and your readers will be able to use the free postage offer too.

This offer is valid until 31 July 2010

I had a proper old fashioned kitchen tea when I got married, with broom dancing and games and so on. All the older ladies gave me their ‘life saving’ recipes to take forward with my own family. I put them in a folder and never looked at them again for years, until recently.

I came across the folder and found this recipe. Since then, I have made it in to cupcakes, individual sized mini cakes, a single layer cake, a double layer cake with jam and icing in the middle and a marbled cake. I am notoriously bad for flopping cakes, and this one, I never have.

So, here’s my gran’s flop proof cake recipe:

1 cup sugar
1 cup self raising flour
1 pinch salt
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 teaspoon baking powder
3 eggs, separated
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
½ cup oil
½ cup boiling water

Sift together the sugar, flour, salt and cocoa. Mix.
In a separate bowl, add vanilla essence to the egg yolks and stir together
In a third bowl, add baking powder to the egg whites. Beat well to a froth.
Add boiling water to oil and stir vigorously into dry ingredients.
Add in egg yolk mixture and stir
Fold in egg white mixture.
Pour in to a cake tin
Bake at  180C (350F) for approximately 30 minutes

For icing:

1 cup of icing sugar
2 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
1 tablespoon cocoa powder

Options:
For a layered cake double the recipe and spread icing sugar or jam between the layers
For a marbled cake, don’t add the cocoa in the first step. After everything is mixed in, pour ¾ of the mixture in to the cake tin, then mix cocoa in to remaining ¼. Drizzle that in to the cake tin in a pattern  or zigzag, then bake as normal.

Susie Q is the owner of the lighthearted and funny blog Out of the Ordinary. She bravely agreed to swap blogs with me for one day, as we explore each other’s lives. We couldn’t be more different: Single, no children and employed vs married, a baby and a stay at home mom,  Susie and I take a look at family life and single life from opposite sides of the aisle.  After reading Susie’s thoughts here, stop by her blog to read mine and for a good laugh, take a look at some of her other posts too!

If you’re stopping by from Out of the Ordinary, welcome! Have a look around, family life is not really that frightening! If you like what you see, I’d love to have you as a follower! (see my brand new follower widget on the right!)

Well hello there peeps & peepertons! My name’s Susie Q and I come from the land of tartans.. (if you sing it, you’ll know it goes perfectly with The Tune. And if you don’t know what The Tune is, you’ve missed out. Big time.)

I am a single female in my 20’s. I refuse to say that I’m in my mid-twenties because it hurts just a little bit. A little while ago I was 19, with the world at my feet, coming to university and now I’m almost a quarter of a century, laden with debt and worries of the world.

When I got asked to do a guestpost for a family-orientated blog, I freaked out just a little. I know nothing of having a family, apart from those awful (but entertaining) programmes like Nanny 911 and Jo Frost’s random shows here and there. In fact, I don’t really know nothing of even being in a relationship. I’ve had my fair share of boyfriends, and my longest relationship to date was two years. But I still haven’t managed to find The One and hold on to him. So I’m no expert.

As many singles (who are single from their own will) tend to be, mostly I’m quite a selfish person. I can’t quite get my small head around the whole “unconditional love”-thing. I can’t imagine how anyone could sacrifice Saturday lie-ins for watching CBeebies at silly o’clock in the morning. My money’s used to buy incredibly uncomfortable but cute shoes and when I wake up in the morning, I can look like I’ve been dragged backwards through a bush without having to feel bad because I should look good for the hubby.

But I’m at the age where most girls my age have already settled down and are churning out babies. My facebook news feed is full of new pictures that my friends have uploaded of their bundles of joy. And I admire this superhuman power that so many women possess. These Wives and Mothers could do anything. They really are truly the ones that rule the world. You know that saying, “behind every successful man there’s a woman who tells him what to do”. Or something to that extent. (And yes, I’m snuffing men in this post completely, because you guys will never know the agony of childbirth. Or 5-inch heels.) When a Wife or a Mother gets a cold, she sniffles discreetly and goes on with her day as normal. When a man gets a cold, he lays in the bottom of his bed, crying and whimpering while the Wife or Mother faffs around him.

A Wife and Mother can take care of a week’s worth of dirty laundry in a day, all the while there’s a snotty 5-year old tugging at her skirt. A Wife and Mother can shimmy up a 5-star three course meal out of a tin of beans, leftover pasta and some canned peaches in syrup she found at the back of the closet. With a bit more effort, she can magic a napkin into a small origami house with a little family moving about inside. But the biggest achievement of it all? A Wife can love one man for years. My parents have been married for 35 years. Something about loving someone for that length of time that scares me; how is it possible? And Mothers… Do I need to even start? I can’t even begin to understand what having a child is like, or what the love feels like. But I have to say.. I can’t wait!

So, all you Wives and Mothers, give yourselves a pat on the back today because you are doing an amazing job. Me? I can hardly wash my face in the morning without poking myself in the eye. But eventually, I will learn. And then?

I will join this superhero brigade.

And we will save the world.

One snotty child at a time!

Leave a comment for Susie here. I’m sure she’d love to hear from you!

Dear Kyra                                                                                                                                 4 March 2010

I can’t believe how quickly this month has flown by, nor can I believe that five months ago this minute, I was opening my eyes from my first decent sleep in days.

You have grown in leaps and bounds this month. You seem in such a hurry. It has been beautiful to observe. It has been magical to be a part of. We are so blessed to have you as our baby.

You sprouted your first little tooth on the 18th, amidst a river of drool and many tears. I thank God that we’ve been able to be home with you, because I’d have hated sending you off with the suffering you’ve been feeling in your little mouth. The second tooth came out five days later, and your river of drool is now a waterfall.

You’ve also decided that life on your tummy is not for you, and literally overnight you figured out how to pop yourself on your knees and shift yourself by rocking forward and backward till you fall forward, but stop yourself with your arm and then repeat the movement until you get to sort of where you were going.

Today you are five months and you managed to shimmy/crawl over to your octopus toy and began playing with it.

You laugh more now days. It takes a bit of work, but Daddy is especially good at making you laugh. Especially when we make funny duck noises. Or blow on your tummy. With me, it’s when I try to ‘eat’ your feet. You find that funny. We find you cute.

You weighed 7.3 kg at our last check, and you officially no longer really fit in to any 0-3 month clothes. In fact some of your clothes are labelled 12 months.

Your sleep has been disturbed over the last few weeks as your teeth have been making their desperate dash towards daylight, but when you are not sore, you sleep really well. Your bedtime routine of 7pm is well established now, and you go to sleep without any fuss. You normally sleep till about 1am, then you come in to bed with us for a feed and spend the rest of the night there.

You tend to take up my whole side of the bed as you lie on your belly with your arms flung wide. I have developed a sore back from trying to keep myself on the bed during the night. But I love hearing your breath right by my ears. And I love your little sleep sounds. Your little whimpers, and sighs.

In the bath you often lie back and let out a deeply contented sigh. You have such adult mannerisms, but in miniature. Like sneezes, and coughs, and contented sighs.

You are a treasure to behold, and a pleasure to be around. You are trusting and sweet and beautiful.

Happy five months my beautiful little girl.

Mommy loves you

On the 21st of this month, I will have lived in the UK for 7 years. Of that 7 years, I will have lived in London for 4 1/2 years. I was looking through some photo albums recently, when it dawned on me that living here, I’d never taken photos of those ‘iconically British’ things – the post box, the telephone box and the Routemaster Bus. So, inbetween my normal activities, I kept an eye out for these and managed to complete the set pretty quickly. So, in celebration of my 7 year montheversary, here are some iconic London moments taken over the last week.

Day 49 – The Red Postbox

First off, the post box. I don’t remember what postboxes in other parts of the world look like, really, but I suspect they’re the same, else where has the term ‘post office red come from. Here’s a picture of a London post box though.

Day5 50 – The Telephone Box

Definitely iconic. For some reason these are seen world over in brochures of England. A strange thing, really. Even stranger is seeing them dotted in random, basically uninhabited parts of the country side.

Day 51 – The Routemaster Bus

There are sadly few of these buses still around. They are great. You hop on and show your ticket to a mobile conductor. I don’t know why they’ve phased these out on all but tourist routes. I guess because it takes two people, driver and conductor and is therefor less cost effective. Or because you can get off and on while the bus is in motion, which makes them more dangerous and open to law suits? Anyone with better information, please do share!

Day 52 – Coffee Morning

So, not so iconic for England, but definitely so for the USA! I met up with a friend for coffee on a rain streaked day.

Day 53 – Supercalifragilisticexpilidocious !

A walk along the South Bank reveals new wonders every day.  I look forward to my little one being old enough to enjoy these escapes in to a Mary Poppins chalk drawing!

Day 54 – I really was there!

Typically, Kyra sleeps her way through all the great things we’re trying to expose her to! At least she’ll have proof that she was in fact there! (There being the London Eye. A new[ish] icon on the London landscape.)  Like the Eiffel Tower in France, it was only meant to stand for a short time, in celebration of the millenium, in this case. Opened in 2000 as the  Millenium Wheel it caught on and is now the most paid for visitor attraction in London, with 3.5 million visitors a year. It does provide spectacular views on clear days though, and is entirely worth the money – we’ve done it three times!

Day 55 – Learning to Crawl

And speaking of iconic moments, here’s one of our very own. Yes, that’s my not yet 5 month old. Too fast. Always too fast.

Before my daughter was born I was given a great large nappy bags, with pockets and pouches for everything. It really was one of those ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ bags, and I was thrilled. Then she was born, and I steadily began to loathe that bag! I could never find anything, no matter how much I tried to keep the compartments separate, and keep ‘a place for everything and everything in its place’. It was impossible, and it was heavy!

As a baby wearer, I found that the nappy bag was heavier than the baby, and was really weighing me down. Sometimes we’d go out for an hour or two, and I’d lug the bag around with me, and never actually use it! Something had to be done!

Then I came across a ZPM Junior nappy bag for £15 in a sale, and I was immediately in love.

The main compartment:

• Although designed to be big enough for an entire bag of nappies, we normally make sure there’s a one day supply
• I keep two rolled up muslins - very handy as a feeding cover, a ground cover for her to play on or its intended spittle duty.
• There’s a rolled up feeding cover, serves as a blanket or ground sheet too, when I run out of muslins
• A change of clothes, normally an all in one long sleeve- long leg baby grow.
• I also keep two small soft toys, for variation, and change these from time to time.
• Depending on need, I keep Rescue Remedy (great for shock, like from bumping her head), Kali.Mur for her current upper respiratory tract infections, and Calc.Phos and Chamomile spray for teething, but these come and go as required.
• Two reuseable grocery bags, good for shopping, but also to keep jerseys and coats in when we’re indoors

In the clear pouch above that is another teething powder, Ashton & Parsons (we have really bad teething time around here), a sample sized nappy rash cream, and usually there’s also a hand sanitizer in there which I use exclusively on my own hands after nappy changes if we’re out and about, since my fingers often end up as chew toys.

Above this there are two pouches which are the piece de resistance of this excellent nappy bag. A waterproof, slitted wet wipe pocket (which keeps them wet) and above that a plastic bag dispenser. Although not a fan of the general use of plastic bags, they do come in very handy when disposing of a stinky nappy in a friend’s rubbish bin!

The top pocket has replaced my handbag really, with travel sized makeup, a folded hairbrush and pocket mirror.

At the bottom, in front of the main pouch, is another pocket, ideal for bank cards, membership cards (like the library), and a pen and notebook for exchanging contact details with all the new moms you’re going to meet. This is also where I keep the compact camera that goes everywhere with us (and is being used to take these photos).

On the sides are two bottle pouches for those who are bottle feeding, and at the back is a neatly tucked away changing mat.

The only downside to this bag is that it can only be carried by hand. I have circumvented this by attaching my own shoulder strap, but not having the correct fittings, this can sometimes cause it to scrunch up a little. I have contacted the ZPM customer care team with this feedback and they might incorporate it in the next batch.

(P.S. I had a look at the ZPM website, and unfortunately these are currently out of stock, but there are more coming in a couple of months!)

A big fear for me about becoming a mom was the frustration in taking forever to get ready to go out that I’d heard so much about. I can honestly say that has never been a problem for us. I prepare the nappy bag after bath time in the evening and it’s ready to go at a moment’s notice the next day. Friends have even commented on how little ’stuff’ we cart around with a baby, yet we’ve never been lacking in anything we’ve needed. Proof that it can be done, and doesn’t have to be a stressful thing!

So, is there anything I missed here? What else do you need or not need to kit out a perfect nappy bag? Add your thoughts in the comment section below!

Regular readers will know by now that by Sunday lunch time my meals take on a little bit of a ‘salvage job’ feel as I try to use up the remains of the vegetable bowl and any leftovers in the fridge. This makes way for the new veggie box delivery on Monday, and makes sure that we stick to our ‘no food wastage’ challenge for this year.

I decided to make a vegetable cobbler from the left over winter vegetables, consisting of  potatoes, carrots, leeks, radish, spinach, red cabbage, garlic, and ginger.

• The beauty of a veggie cobbler is that any vegetables can be used and substituted.
• Put the veggies that will quick the fastest, like the spinach further from the grill and those that will take longer, like potatoes nearer the grill.
• Top with a generous helping of olive oil
• Optional: for a richer treat, add a cup of cream and a dash of mustard to the vegetables before cooking.

The basic cobble recipe is:

• 1 cup self raising flour
• Pinch of salt
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 3 tablespoons milk
• 1 cup grated cheese
• 1 egg
• Optional: cayenne pepper, paprika, herbs such as origanum, tarragon (if serving with chicken), rosemary & thyme (if serving with beef)  etc.

Mix together. Create balls of equal sizes and place above the vegetables. Put in the oven at 180C/ 356F for half an hour.

Once the vegetable are cooked through and the cobbles are nicely browned, serve with a roast or eat as a tasty and filling vegetarian meal.

If you try these recipes, take a picture and email it to me, or write about it on your blog and post the link below! I’d love to see how it comes out!

One of the primary difficulties in adjusting to life post baby is the apparent chasm that forms between the new mom and her old friends.  I myself felt this the first time my lovely group of friends descended on us post birth. In two weeks, it seemed as if I had lost any ability to think of anything other than my baby and I felt that there was suddenly no common ground.

There are obvious reasons for the loss of friends, post baby. Your schedules change. You’re free for lunches, not dinners, the ‘en-route home’ telephone time is now bath time, noisy restaurants or pre dinner drinks don’t suit a young child and theatres, cinemas, clubs and concerts are simply often not pushchair or carseat friendly.  It is so easy to let time pass, and valuable friendships fade away.

But there are ways of keeping your friends, by keeping a few pointers in mind…

In complete contrast to what I’ve just said though, there may be friends that you will lose. Sometimes because you weren’t that close to start with and sometimes for reasons you just don’t know. Shortly after Kyra was born I had a friend remove me from Facebook with a message saying that after her recent 26th miscarriage she was giving up on having children, and quite frankly, it just hurt her too much. We don’t always know people’s reasons, but need to respect them anyway.

So, how do you keep those girl (and guy) friends?

• All relationships need the little touches. A phone call, quick email, midnight text. “I was thinking of you. Hope you’re okay. See you soon?” It takes seconds and lets your friend know you’re still around.
• If you have a little more time, a phone call or a card in the mail will be a lovely surprise
• Take yourself and baby to a coffee shop or restaurant near wherever your friend works so that they can join you for a quick lunch if you can’t make dinner and drinks anymore
• If you can leave the baby with a trusted person, like your partner, do so for an hour or two, and ask your friends to come to a venue near you so you can be close to home if you need to pop back for anything.

When you do have time with your friends, make it count!

• They will ask you how things are with baby. Answer. But answer specifically. I know how exciting the weird colour pooh, the melting smile, the drool, first tooth, crawling and mess of weaning are. But remember how you felt about those things before you had your little ball of goo.
• When you are seeing your friends together, choose a code word or action or similar with your partner  that you can keep each other in check when the ‘baby talk’ is getting too much.
• Before you go out, set yourself a time limit of how long you will talk about ‘baby stuff’ before you try to shift the focus of the conversation.
• On your way to meeting your friends, temporarily switch off the mommy part of your brain, and try to remember the things you used to talk about, think about what’s happening in the news, or your ex workplace, or your mutual friends. Think about the common interests that made you friends in the first place. This all sounds a bit obvious, but baby brain makes things blur a bit sometimes!
• Finally, a good rule of thumb is for every question that is asked to you, you should ask a question about your friend’s life and circumstances

Friendships take work, and juggling life post baby, with all your new post baby friends and your pre baby friends can be tough. For the most part they’ll want to share in this awesome time with you, but  remember that your old friends were there first, so treat them special and they’ll still be there for years to come.

How have you found the adjustment? And what do you do to keep in touch with your pre baby friends?

P.S. Now I love seeing my friends and don’t feel that chasm anymore! I love you my lovely friends, if you happen to be reading this!