I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without…
| February 8, 2011 | Posted by Luschka under Attachment Parenting, Being Dad, Carnival of Natural Parenting |
The theme for this months’ carnival of natural parenting is “I cannot image parenting without…†At first I thought it was an easy answer, but a bit of investigating brought me to a totally different conclusion.
Welcome to the February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Essentials
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared the parenting essentials that they could not live without. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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I thought that perhaps it was my Ella Roo sling. It was the best thing I ever acquired in the first months of parenting. It made my life so much simpler, without a pushchair up and down the stairs into our house, and never having to leave it outside at Rhyme Time. Of course, there’s also how lovely it was to be able to keep Ameli close to me, soothe her, lull her to sleep, and get on with the housework while she’s asleep on my back.
Then I thought, maybe it was my breastpump. I’ve learned since that Medela isn’t actually WHO compliant and a lot of people have trouble with the pumps, but for me, my Medela Mini Electric was incredible. I expressed a lot, even in between two hourly feeds to try to make sure my milk supply was strong. I expressed in the evenings so that my husband could take the 11 o’clock feed and I could have four to six unbroken hours of sleep.
I wanted to donate milk to a UK milk bank once my daughter turned six months old, but they didn’t want my milk. They said it wasn’t nutritious anymore. At twelve months I went to South Africa and the milk bank there jumped on the chance for more milk. I’ve been expressing for them ever since. They use the milk for the AIDS babies – they told me it’s better than formula, not matter how old your own baby is.
Then I thought about all the clothes, burp cloths, toys, grooming ‘essentials’ and everything else that we were given at our babyshower and since and I realised that actually, the truth of the matter is this: there’s no thing I couldn’t imagine parenting without. If the need had arisen, I wouldn’t have been the first mother to have her baby sleep in the top drawer of a chest of drawers.
I wouldn’t be the first mother to tie a baby around her waist with a towel. Or the first to use only hand me down clothes or an old pillowcase for a blanket. I wouldn’t have been the first.
But the one thing, which isn’t a thing at all, that I cannot imagine parenting without, is my husband.
He was the most supportive person in my life during my horrible battle with Hyperemesis Gravidarum during my pregnancy. He supported every labour and birth decision I made. He had his reservationss and questions, but was content and supportive with well researched answers. He didn’t leave my side for around 20 hours of my 48-hour labour, whispering the affirmations I’d repeated for six month in my ears. He was my go-between with our midwife. He ‘fought’ for the birth we wanted.
He has been a hands-on father. He never refused to change nappies (hey, he’s no saint. He’ll get out of it any way he can!). He waited on me for the first six weeks when I needed support to establish breastfeeding. He has an actual, active, real relationship with our almost 16-month old.
He lost his job just before she was born, and has forged a successful freelance career working 15 hour days sometimes, so that he can be a part of her day to day life. So that he can come down the stairs and lift her into the air. So that he can sit on the floor, wide legged, and she can run squeeling into his arms before he returns to his desk.
He has supported my every parenting wish, when I’ve combined it with reason. He has and continues to support our family. I could not imagine my parenting without him.
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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- Not Without Him — The love Starr at Taking Time shares with her husband is the foundation of her parenting.
- I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without B(.)(.)bs — From an uneducated dreamer to a breastfeeding mother of a toddler, nursing has forever changed Kristy at Strings to Things’s relationship with her daughter and her outlook on life.
- Raising a Child in the Internet Village — When Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction has a question or concern about parenting, she turns to the Internet. What did parents do before Google?
- Partner in Crime and Parenting — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon can’t imagine parenting without her husband’s sense of humor – he brings her laughter and love every day.)
- I Make Milk — Patti at Jazzy Mama can’t imagine trying to mother her babies without her breasts, but she could do it if she had to.
- New Perspectives Bring New Beginnings — MJ at Wander Wonder Discover, who is a former authoritarian mamma, has gained perspective via parenting.
- Time Out! — Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog explores how time apart can increase your capacity to give unconditionally.
- Unimaginable Without Him — Kristina at heyred designs is celebrating her amazing partner, without whom none of her parenting experience would be possible.
- My Parenting Necessity — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl needs “me time” in order to be the Mama she wants to be.
- Babywearing As a Way of Life — Darcel at The Mahogany Way talks about the benefits of babywearing in everyday life.
- Parenting Partnership — Sometimes Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter doesn’t appreciate her husband enough, but she definitely couldn’t imagine parenting without his help.
- Parenting Essentials — Momma Jorje loves her parenting products, but she needs you even more.
- My Parenting Must-Have: Support — Joella at Fine and Fair wrote a letter to her daughter about the role that support from friends and family plays in her mothering.
- It’s More Than Just Hair — Think doing hair is full of fluff? Too girly? Useless? Karli from Curly Hairdo Ideas used to think so too.
- The Minimalist Parent — The parents at Living Peacefully with Children embrace a minimalist perspective when it comes to baby gear. A good sling is all they need.
- Without My Breasts — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama can’t imagine parenting without her breasts; here’s why.
- Loves Books, Loves People — Seonaid at the Practical Dilettante discovers that the library is a perfect fit for her family’s needs.
- An Ode to the Maya Wrap — RevMama’s next child might be named Maya, because of her fondness for the sling.
- Avoiding the Padded Room — Pecky at Benny and Bex is here to testify that it takes a village to raise a child.
- My parenting essentials, from Tivo to battery-operated monstrosities — Lauren at Hobo Mama presents a list of parenting essentials you didn’t even know you needed (and probably don’t…).
- Attachment Parenting Through Separation: It Makes It a Little Better — Jessica at This Is Worthwhile talks about how she couldn’t survive her separation without attachment parenting and the bond it’s afforded her with her 3 year old son.
- Parenting Essentials — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares the principles she used to parent her children from infants to adults.
- My Parenting Essentials — The things that are truly essential to Kim at In Desperate Need of Entertainment aren’t things at all.
- I’m No One Without My Sling — How baby carrying is essential to the parenting of Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama.
- I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without… — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine talks about what she needs to raise her children.
- February Carnival of Natural Parenting — Through her experiences over the last five and a half years, Casey at Love What Is has discovered her most important tool for parenting is using her instincts.
- CNP: I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without __________. — The Artsymama discloses the one thing that gave her back control of herself as a parent.
- Laugh Until I Cry — Laughing with her sons keeps Acacia at Fingerpaint & Superheroes connected and grounded.
- I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all.
- It Takes Two — Here are a few of the reasons why Jenn at Adventures Down Under cannot imagine parenting without her fabulous husband.
- Stopping to Listen — Though it wasn’t easy at first, Knocked Up – Knocked Over cannot imagine parenting her daughter without listening first to what she is telling her.
- The Essence of Parenting — There are many wonderful resources that make life easier for Michelle at the Parent Vortex to parent, but the essence is the relationship between parent and child.
- What I Cannot Live Without — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker considers her computer to be a parenting lifeline.
- True Blessings: White Noise and Grandparents — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment can’t live without her white noise machine and the support of her parents.
- The Necessities! — What “stuff” does a natural parent like Lily, aka Witch Mom really need? Not much, it turns out.
- Mama Showed Me — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip writes about how parenting wisdom is passed on by example.
- Ode to the Loo — For Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch, the bathroom is her safe place, where she can take a minute to calm down if she is feeling touched out.
- Go, Mama. Go! — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. has been able to integrate her many roles through her get-up-and-go parenting essential, exercise!
- My Other Half — Becky at Old New Legacy realizes what a relief it is to have her husband parent alongside her.
- Grace, Love, and Coffee — MrsH at Fleeting Moments realizes that lifelines can take the form of the profound, or the mundane. Both are ok.
- Supportive Spouse, Check! — There are so many parenting tools and gadgets that are superfluous, but the one essential, for Danielle at born.in.japan, has been her supportive spouse.
- Why I’m a Babywearer — Meredith at Becoming Mamas reflects on the ways babywearing has enhanced her mama baby relationship…and made life easier to boot.
- It’s Marvelous Out Here, Kiddo! — Rachael at The Variegated Life can’t imagine parenting in the big city without the marvels of Prospect Park to share with her Critter.
- Yes, Thank You — Amy at Anktangle offers tips on how to ask for and accept help, an essential for successful parenting.
- Parenting Essentials Checklist: Mom’s Inner Rebel and Her Kids’ Voices — Olivia at Write About Birth reflects on raising global citizens and saying no to societal norms.
- Eco-Mama Online! — An Eco-Mama living in the mountains of a nature island, Terri at Child of the Nature Isle finds it essential to connect to nature and to connect online.
- Sorry, We Just Sold the Last One — Nev at The Adventures of Lime confesses she missed out the day they handed out patience.
- Laugh — Tashmica at The Mother Flippin’ Blog reveals her super power, her talisman agains mean mommy.
- My Priceless Parenting Resource — What do books, a magazine community, my mother and the local playgroup have in common? Lucy at Dreaming Aloud tells us…
- The Gift of Shared Time — Tree at Mom Grooves strives to experience the world from her daughter’s perspective.
- Follow the Giggles — Dionna at Code Name: Mama can’t live without the sound of her child’s giggles – come watch her video and you’ll agree!
- Can I Mommy Without Boob? — Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama shares her fears about weaning and losing part of that the mother/child bond.
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without ? Luschka during Diary of a First Child realizes what a one thing she can’t suppose parenting though is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka during Diary of a First Child realizes what a one thing she can’t suppose parenting though is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
I’ve heard so many beautiful stories this carnival about wonderful husbands and partners. Mine too is so hands on and a vital part of my sanity. Thank you for sharing such a great post and allowing us to share in your life a little.
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Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:44 am
@Mrs Green @ littlegreenblog.com, Thank you so much for your lovely comment. It’s a pleasure to share
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[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka during Diary of a First Child realizes what a one thing she can’t suppose parenting though is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka during Diary of a First Child realizes what a one thing she can’t suppose parenting though is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
You dear woman! I had hyperemesis gravidarum for both of my pregnancies, and with my daughter, I almost lost her at 5 months pregnant. It’s tough, and the people who stand by and help keep us alive should be given medals.
I’m with you on this one: I couldn’t imagine parenting without my SO!
Delena
Delena Silverfox’s last [type] ..Elimination Communication- Whatre Your Babys Cues
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Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:42 am
@Delena Silverfox, Urgh! I am scared to death of having it a second time
It’s probably the main/only reason I’ve not had number two yet!
How did you cope with a child and sickness? this is something that really worries me?
Thanks for commenting!
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Delena Silverfox Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:59 am
@Luschka, Actually, I was given hope that my difficult pregnancy was actually a result of the problems in my system resulting from undiagnosed Celiac Disease. I had been gluten-free for almost a year, and when I found myself pregnant (a very large surprise, since I was on the Nuva Ring), I thought hey, maybe this time it’ll be different!
No, it was worse. =) With my son, I died giving birth. It was only for about 90 seconds, but still. With my daughter, I had organ(s) failure, and almost had to have an emergency C-section at exactly 5 months pregnant. (They actually waited 2 hours, so that the clock would hit midnight and I would be “officially” five months, I’m not kidding.)
It was horrible. I couldn’t work the entire time, and as a result I now have to file bankruptcy because I had no income. The pregnancy basically ruined my life as I know it.
On the other hand, I have my daughter, and even though life as I know it is financially ruined, I have no job, and have suffered a HUGE blow to my self-esteem because of it, my daughter is healthy, and I’m totally devoted to being the best mother I can. It’s sort of become my new purpose. =)
I don’t blame you for resisting having Child #2. My son, ten years ago, was supposed to be my only after that ordeal. Only a surprise pregnancy would convince me to try a second time. =)
*hugs* Delena
Delena Silverfox’s last [type] ..A brief PSA
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Luschka Reply:
February 25th, 2011 at 12:14 pm
@Delena Silverfox, Good heavens! What a birth story! I honestly don’t know what to say in response to all that. As you say, you have your daughter, and that’s got to be a big thing. I hope that financially things turn around for you. I really do.
We had no milk banks in Oklahoma, last I checked. I’m so glad they see the value SOMEwhere!
Momma Jorje’s last [type] ..Parenting Essentials
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Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:39 am
@Momma Jorje, Have you come across Eats on Feets? ( A play on Meals on Wheels). If you have excess milk and no milk banks, that may be well worth a try!
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[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka during Diary of a First Child realizes what a one thing she can’t suppose parenting though is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
I wonder what makes some men such natural nurturers….
I dream of my son maturing into a nurturer of others. I love knowing that such men already exist.
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Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:38 am
@Patti, I wonder if it’s not, to some extent at least, being ALLOWED to be. I know so many women who bemoan their unsupportive parters, yet criticize every move they make, try force them into a mold and make them into who they THINK they want for a husband, rather than just loving the man for who he is.
With my husband, I made a conscious decision from the start to help him with our daughter, guide him when he asked for it, but never criticize or mock HOW he looked after her – i.e. bath time, nappy changes etc. I just allowed him to do it his way, and as a responsible adult, he managed just fine, asked for help when he didnt’ know how to do something, and discovered his own confidence.
Maybe that’s too simple or too complex. Not sure, but it’s how it was for us.
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Love this! And love all our amazing partners, who toil away making us look good, but getting so little credit. It’s so important to take some time out to just say thanks
Kristina @ hey red’s last [type] ..Unimaginable without him
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Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:34 am
@Kristina @ hey red, Every day! I can’t imagine doing it without him
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Indeed, the best things in life are not things at all!
Jenn’s last [type] ..It Takes Two
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Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:32 am
@Jenn, Aint that the truth! Thanks for the comment
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[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka during Diary of a First Child realizes what a one thing she can’t suppose parenting though is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
How lovely, this theme of loving our husbands in this carnival. Wonderful post:-)
xx
Starr at Taking Time’s last [type] ..Not Without Him
[Reply]
Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:34 am
@Starr at Taking Time, Thank you! I think, for me anyway, having a supportive husband is the bedrock of ‘successful’ parenting. I know that’s not true for everyone, but certainly helps ME stay the course
[Reply]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka during Diary of a First Child realizes what a one thing she can’t suppose parenting though is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka during Diary of a First Child realizes what a one thing she can’t suppose parenting though is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
First of all, I cannot believe that a milk bank would refuse your milk as “not nutritious enough.” (fume fume fume) At any rate, what a sweet tribute to your hubby! Thank you for sharing, and yay for the South African milk bank!
Dionna @ Code Name: Mama’s last [type] ..Respectful Parents Respectful Kids- Part 1 Discussion
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Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:32 am
@Dionna @ Code Name: Mama, Oh, I know. I went through it all with both of them, and they just stayed on ‘message’. It’s very sad.
Thanks for the comment hon.
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Wonderful post! I wrote about my husband as well. It is so amazing to hear about loving daddies and husbands. I always think men get a bad rep because I always hear that they don’t change diapers, play with he baby, or really understand you but that is not always true! Some men are so loving and amazing and we are so lucky to share our lives with them.
Bethy’s last [type] ..Partner In Crime and Parenting
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Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:30 am
@Bethy, Absolutely! I also think the daddies that won’t get involved are really missing out on something beautiful. I always ask them how they expect to be involved in their teens lives if they’re not willing to be involved when they’re babies. Some just dont get it though and it’s a little sad. I am really greatful for the husband I have
Glad you got a good’un too!
[Reply]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
Another awesome husband!!! Thanks goodness for them, yes?
MJ’s last [type] ..New perspectives bring new beginnings
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Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:27 am
@MJ, Absolutely! I don’t know where we’d be if it weren’t for his involvement.
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That’s so stupid about the UK milk bank! I’m so glad you were able to find a good place to donate in South Africa.
I so agree with you about the husband part! It’s so much easier to have a supportive partner — from pregnancy and birth on through.
Lauren @ Hobo Mama’s last [type] ..February Carnival of Natural Parenting- My parenting essentials- from Tivo to battery-operated monstrosities
[Reply]
Luschka Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:26 am
@Lauren @ Hobo Mama, Thanks for the comment Lauren. I am dissapointed that I never found Eats of Feets before, if I think of how much milk I threw away when we came here, but I’m glad I know about it now, so I’ll def keep expressing once I’m back!
And yes! I don’t know how single parents do it, especially the AP way!
[Reply]
[...] I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can’t imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it’s not a thing after all. [...]
Not nutritious enough???? But in the U.K. we recommend to breastfeed beyond 2 years.Any way, mine would be a sling definitely,cloth nappies and muslin cloths.Parents over spend on stupid amount of unnecessary products they think they need but don’t.
Aly’s last [type] ..Monday Make-Valentine cards for toddlers
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Luschka Reply:
February 8th, 2011 at 9:41 am
I know! And I went to two different milk banks in London. Crazy? Yes!
Agree with you on the sling, definitely! Thanks so much for commenting!
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