41 Weeks, 2 Days – Letter To Squidgy
|March 3, 2012||Posted by Luschka under Letters to Squidgy, On Mama's Mind|
I’ve been staring at this screen for ages now, and I’ve started this letter to you many times. I have so much to say, yet don’t know where to start. I’m having a hard time filtering my thoughts into coherent sentences.
We’re ‘ready’ for you now. We have everything we need, Aunty Deshaine is here. Nana is here. Everyone is here, watching and waiting, ready for you. According to ‘dates’ you’ve been in there for 41 weeks and two days. Your sister was born at 40 and six days, and I quite liked the idea of a leapyear baby, but you weren’t all that interested.
I have been trying to connect with you, trying to speak to you and feel you and have been making efforts to bond with you and really get to know you. I’ve been trying to make notes of the differences between your pregnancy and Ameli’s. I’ve been trying to prepare the world for you and you for the world. I’ve been trying to identify your personality. I’ve been growing in my love for you, picturing holding you, picturing sleeping next to you, dancing with you, carrying you. I’ve been imagining you as a real part of our lives, and now, sweet child of mine, I am ready for you.
It’s funny, how people say there are so many differences between your first and second pregnancy, and they aren’t wrong. First time round, I had nothing but time to focus on this new life and to wonder and question and imagine. This time round, there’s been so little time, and these last ten weeks have flown by so fast I have felt myself shocked to discover we’re actually at ‘term’.
And yet I have this excitement bubbling up inside me. I wonder what it will be like holding a new born again. I wonder what it will be like falling so incredibly head over heels for another child. I wonder how it’s possible for my love to grow even further and awed in advance by the life we’re about to embark on.