I have a problem with chocolate. Not all sweets, necessarily, but chocolate, definitely. If I know there’s chocolate in the cupboard, I can’t sit still till it’s eaten. I can eat chocolate well past the point of feeling sick. It’s like an obsession, and it’s one I really don’t understand. See, I used to smoke, and I loved smoking, until one day I decided enough was enough and I no longer wanted to smoke. I gave myself a deadline of that new years eve, which was a few weeks away, and that night I sat in the garden and smoked my last cigarette before going to bed. I said goodbye to it, thanked it for it’s years of ‘friendship’ and buried the butt in the snow. I was on at least 20 a day, and while it wasn’t easy to give up, I did, without drugs or other quitting aids, and haven’t had as much as a drag in five years. Quitting to smoke is actually easier now I would say. I mean, there’s these vape mods and digital vaporizers now where you can use since it’s a healthier alternative and a very good way to take baby steps to kick out the habit.
I’ve tried to do that with chocolate, but it’s not been possible. I’ve failed every single time.
I heard about Thinking Slimmer’s Chocoholic Cure for quitting the chocolate addiction and I’d like to try it, so I’ve signed up and they’ve sent me the “pod” as they call it.
I’m sure a side effect of giving up the ‘the girls have gone to sleep and I deserve chocolate’ chocolate addiction, will be weight loss. Despite various people in my life finding it impossible to believe – you know who you are – I am perfectly comfortable in my skin. Sure, if I could wake up tomorrow morning and be a size 14 again I wouldn’t turn it down, even if just because it would make online clothes shopping easier, but when Ameli was very young, I decided I didn’t want her to see me hating me. I didn’t want her to inherit negative self-image from me. And most days I do pretty well in that venture. I do not need to look a certain way to be fulfilled, to be happy or to be confident. I’ve never let what I do or do not weigh affect whether I go for a swim, or get in on a photo, or share images of myself in a nightie with the world. I am happy with who I am, and comfortable in my skin.
I am undertaking this venture now because I hate being beholden. I don’t like ‘owing’ anyone anything, because for me it comes with feeling like they own me. If someone loans me money, I feel like I have to justify every time I spend money on something ‘frivolous’ like parking undercover so we don’t have to walk in the rain! In the same way, I hate feeling ‘owned’ by chocolate. I hate knowing that once the girls are asleep, I start fighting the desire for chocolate. I hate knowing that I will be fighting it and I hate knowing that there’s nothing I can do about it.
While I can’t imagine that I’d ever go to a hypnotherapist, really, I know that listening to a self-hypnosis CD helped with the birth of both of my babies, so why not try this. If it works, great. If it doesn’t… too bad.
To me, success would be relief from the highs and lows of sugar addiction. It would be my girls growing up with a healthier relationship to food than I have. It would be being a better mother than I am being, and it starts with kicking the habit.
I’ll let you know how it goes.